© LJR 2023
TROUBLES FOR SAINT NICK
Jolly old Saint Nicholas
Lean your ear this way
It seems a warrant for your arrest
Has brought us into court today
The FAA accuses you of flying
With no flight plan in the queue
Plus you lack a pilot’s license
And an airborne
sleigh just will not do
As for Homeland, they’ve voiced grave concerns
About you crossing borders willy-nilly
For you seem to think a passport
Is both unneeded and quite silly
The IRS can find no tax returns
Under any of your many names
While your use of tiny reindeer
Troubles the folks at Fish and Game
Local police label you a voyeur
“He sees you when you’re sleeping”
Not to mention all those videos
Where nanny-cams have caught you creeping
Yes, old Saint Nick, I sadly fear
You are headed to the pen
Unless a Christmas miracle
Happens between now and then
My advice as your attorney
Is to make the judge and jury think
Of all those disappointed children
If Santa Claus ends up in the clink
Yes, if Christmas cheer is threatened
I think we may just win this case
And you can resume your mission
Putting smiles on every kiddie’s face
